Janeys Journey

The Safest Banks in the USA

Dear Diary

I can only sit at the computer for about a 1/2 hr before it starts to hurt some.  So to extend that time, I'm sitting here in the wheelchair with my foot up on the desk by the keyboard.  Of couse the wc is locked but I think I'm scaring my aide.  I can't really answer many eamils or visit other blogs because it really not that comfortable.

Here's my happy foot and my sad foot.

 

My happy foot

.

Dear Diary

Very busy day.  I didn't sleep at all last night, couldn't get comfortable.  My foot lit up eveytime I turned.  Today the dr removed the splint and the stitches (ouch!) and put on a hard cast which weighs a ton and a half.  16 more days of that cast with my leg still up in bed.  Then a boot and then I can hobble and take physical therapy and maybe go back to work.  But at least I made it to the 1/2 way point.  3 more weeks.  I think I'm going to call Goodwill and have them take away my glass top coffee table.  I get the jitters everytime I pass it.

Dear Diary

I shouldn't be doing this, my foot already, sitting at the pc.  But couldn't resist.  I haven't drawn since this started.  But this afternoon I did 20 sketches of gertie and here's 2.

 

I wasn't in pain today and I don't want to get my expectations too high for Monday.But it would be so good to make the 1/2 way mark, it really would.

Dear Diary

Well so much for posting a drawing.  I can't sit at the computer for long so I can't even answer all the emails let alone post a drawing. Wheelchairs are not very comfortable and I tire very easily and I do have to be in bed with the leg up. 

No laptop rental.  I found a few companies that rent laptops but only one that would install a router.  I have cable connection and need a router on my pc to get a wireless laptop.  The one company only has a laptop with a 15" monitor which is much to small for my eyesight.  I did have the cable guy come and transfer my hd dvr from the living room to the bedroom with my dvd player so that's good.

An no valium.  I hate that stuff.  I have every reason to be depressed.  If I wasn't depressed, then there would be a problem.  Now that I have the aides scheduled and there's someone here with me 24/7 I feel ok.  I'm just tired all the time.  Linda who stays overnight and all weekend has to go home to feed her cats at 11am and my mom is comg at 12 which means I'm alone for an 1hr and that's a little scary.  Makes me feel like a little kid being afraid to stay alone.

The good thing is that I'm not waking up in pain anymore.  I set the alarm so I can take a pain pill and then right back to sleep.

Dear Diary

Woke up without pain (drugs are our friends) and had a decent day.  Fortunately, I'm so tired all the time that the day goes pretty quickly.  My highlight was a hand shower.  I sit in a shower chair in my new shower with my legs outside the shower, garbage bag taped around my cast, holding on to the hand shower and the aid helps me wash.  You really loose all sense of privacy when your helpless.

My meltdown yesterday and let me tell you it was pretty world shattering involved calling my work EAP hotline (run by the insurance co).  Do you feel like hurting yourself?  If I said yes would you help me then?  I guess my sense of humor is coming back. I was just hoping to get my insurance to pay for the aides.  They'll only pay for a nurse.  They gave me numbers of therapists who make housecalls for crisis situations.  Damn but I'm a crisis situation now.  So I call and told my story to each one in between sobs and each one said oh we don't make housecalls now you have a nice day and if you feel like killing yourself just dial 911.  What was the oath they took again?  Not sure they remember it either. 

So I called the nurse from the agency who did the evaluation when I hired the aides and I think I freaked her out because she called my dr the next day and had him sign me up for valium and wrote a script for my insurance to pay for her visits 3 times a week.  I like the lady but she gave me a cd on meditation and I have too much a sense of humor to even consider that.  Now she's insisting I take the valium and that little pill is not going down my throat.

I think if I can just get a routine going and get back to drawing I'll be ok.  When my day aide comes tomorrow we're going to pack some drawing stuff onto a cart with wheels I have in my studio and leave it in the bedroom within reach.  Then I'm going to call around to some local computer places to see if they rent laptops.  Then move the high speed connection into the bedroom.  I won't feel so disconnected.

And the upside to this is that since I can't follow Gertie around, I'm feeding her on my bed and the little piggie is eating everything.  She's eating more then she has in the last month.  Of course my bed smells of cat food but hey, what's love if it can't stand some smelly food on your bed. 

Well I think I've pretty much exhausted myself writing this so I'm going back to bed now.

Dear Diary

I went to the dr yesterday, came home and had a major meltdown which seem to be occurring pretty often.  I thought I would be in splints for 2 wks and a cast for 2wks which would let me get around a bit.  Instead I'm in bed for 4 wks, leg up.  Getting around means going to the bathroom and back.

Now I have get round the clock care.  I can't be alone in bed and my insurance won't pay for it.  Only for a nurse to give medicine or change a bandage not for someone to help you live.  My mom is going home today because we definitely need a break.  I found someone who helps people in her building who used to work there too.  She'll stay from 6pm to 10am during the week.  Then I have the agency person from 10am to 6pm.  I can pay for this now but when it's all over, the piggy bank will be empty.

Dear Diary

I feel so much better today.  I had a major meltdown yesterday before the aid left.  She said she couldn't leave me in that condition so she called the nurse. And the nurse gave me a real talking to.  She said TAKE THE PAIN PILLS.  You had major surgery on that foot and you have major pain that's what the pill is for.  In between the sobbing I took a pill.  I set the alarm for every 4 hours last night to take the pain pills.  I'm not a pill person and I feel so dependent and useless in this wheelchair and I didn't want to be a wimp so I tried to tough it out.  Dumb.  I see the dr today.  One more week in splints and 2 in a cast.  For the first time I think it will be ok.  This too shall pass.

I'm going to delete those other posts because they're just depressing to read.  And I'm going to post a drawing tomorrow.  That's on the top of my list of "Things To Do While in a Wheelchair After Having a Dumb Accident".  If I'm going to be in this chair for 4 weeks, then I should make it the best 4 weeks possible.

And a very very big thank you to everyone who sent me an encouraging and very worried note.  Blogging buddies are the best.

Me and the boot

I had a little accident.  I was cleaning a glass table top (thrift store find of course) and it dropped and broke, I came home from the emergency room with 8 stitches, a boot, a walker, instructions not to walk and cut tendons. 

I have to see a surgeon on Monday to see what's next with fixing the tendons.   It doesn't hurt so much as really really ache. I take darvocet which makes me sleepy so everytime I take a pill I take a nap.  Probably out of work all week which means lots of time for drawing.  See, there's an upside to everything.

Gert's a bouncer

For the first time in ages she met me at the front door when I came home.  She meowed and brushed my legs and wanted to be scratched and I obliged.  She's sleeping now but I have to wake her to eat again.  I'm relentless.

 

charcoal and conte on paper.